Empty space inside my chest

Thanks to all my friends that came over on Sunday to say their last farewell to Maruko. Thank you for the beautiful flowers. Thank you for making me laugh.
And thank you for those of you that sent me messages through the internet for emotional support. It means so much. I'm glad to have you all as a friend, seriously :)
(and yes I mean it)

This morning me and mum carried Maruko back to the vet to ask for cremation.
God, I never knew dead body can be so darn heavy.
I didn't really have a big problem carrying my 14kg dog before, but now she's dead, whoa.

We left her body at the vet. I wanted to stay with her as much as I can but I had to go to work.

Today was the first time I thought "I don't want to go home"
There's so so many things that reminds me of her. I feel like she will be laying down on the floor waiting for me to come back.

Last night, I spent a while with my dog. Touching her cold body was such heart aching thing. But her fur was so soft, just like when she was alive.
I touched her furry tail. I couldn't believe that tonight will be the last time I will ever pat her and rub her fur.

So I cut a little bit of fur off her tail for me to keep. Do you think it's crazy? Maybe.
But I think those who has/had pets would understand.

I feel so empty today. I don't feel much of anything anymore. Perhaps I'm over exaggerating but I've sorta lost part of my life that I cherish the most. It must be the grieving stage. I'm sure I will eventually move on but right now...
I miss her so much I don't know what to do. It's sorta driving me nuts.
I can't even type properly coz of my darn tears (probably looking at my dog's pictures were a very bad idea).
Back in my head, there's part of me thinking "Maruko went on a trip and I'm going to see her soon" or "She's not dead, she's sleeping on my bed just like she used to".

But every time I check, she's not there. Why...

Gosh, I hope I'm not going mad...

I don't know if I could ever have a dog again.
No dog can replace her.